The Story of a single lady in a sexual relationship with a married man

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Hey 👋 Self lover 🧡


    There is  a single lady  client who is in an intimate relationship with a married man


She a recovering people pleaser (childhood trauma,which is its basis has been dealt with& now she is in therapy to fill the space previously


occupied by trauma) and currently undergoing s*x therapy sessions 


During her sex therapy sessions,i discovered she was not really interested in sex but affection . She majorly  has sex with this man and others before him because that was what they wanted 


In the cause of her sessions she discovered she would  be excited & horny at the beginning of the sex but start becoming angry 😡 in the course of the sex and at the end of the act 


She then becomes angry with herself & the person subconsciously 


Why? 


In addition to feeling guilty of having it with a married man,she wasn’t getting what she wanted (affection and satisfaction of her 2 predominant love languages) while the guy was getting what he wanted (sex) 


Please also note,the man loves his wife and not this my client 

Yes it’s possible for a man to have sex with a woman without loving her 

She was shocked when I told her . Meaning all along she thought he loved her 


    The man tells her things like “he wants to marry her or that he misses her (knowing one of her predominant love languages is words of affirmation)”


It takes a lot of maturity for you not to turn to jelly whenever anyone presses your “mumu”button (speaks love languages) 


In short,he gets to manipulate her to become intimate with her …she surrenders but goes back home angry with herself and him 


    This anger leads to emotional stress

     This ends up leading to physical stress which will eventually lead to a compromise of her physical health (eg malaria)in addition to not being able to sleep well 


     I’m happy for her because now she is gradually coming to a point of understanding all I just told you and she is in the process of making a decision that is uncomfortable for her (concerning this relationship) but she has to prioritize herself for once in her life 


   She has to prioritize what she wants or desires 

A man single or married will not marry you if he doesn’t 

Don’t ever think he will change his mind 


Take his words seriously…he is not being wicked 


Note what he said from the time he met you and his behavior 


Be clear about what you want so that you won’t have shattered hearts 


    She has poor social communication skills (though now getting better) 


    Affection can be gotten by building normal healthy relationships with people around you. 

  So it doesn’t make sense thinking sex will give you affection 


  If you have been having sex to get attention or affection,build strong social communication skills instead and it will get you the attention & affection you desire 

   Having a good social life is a healthy thing 


     Relate well with people and with time(maybe not immediately)you will find people who will love you in return


   Whether people love you in return must not matter 

    You need to love yourself first 

     It is from this love for yourself that you will now love others including the person you want to spend the rest of your life with 


    Sex is not meant to give affection ,attention or take away stress from you permanently. 


    It’s like hard drugs .


    It brings transient “affection “ and “takes away stress” transiently and then returns you back to reality where the unresolved problem is 


Sex is great,sweet,good and beautiful but it’s purpose is simply to make 2 people become one ☝️ 


Expecting anything else from sex should be seen as being unrealistic expectation 


    Interventional Talking Therapy gives a  relief from past trauma and then uses a long strategy to helping and equipping people to deal with future life challenges with or without any external help 


      Another lesson here is to be clear about what you want & ask yourself if you are getting it .


     This is important because people will not compromise what is important to them .

    It’s not healthy to compromise what you want for another person’s want . 

   Both parties need to sit down & draw up a strategy on how they can both get what they want (win-win) 


  Till next time,stay healthy and take healthy decisions 


Doctor Michaels ,MBChB (ogun) 

Medical doctor with interest in interventional talking therapy 

@doctormichaels 

+2348141630817




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